Monday, 12 November 2018

Internet Dating. A POF Story....

Day 1 - Is this thing even working?

Day 2 - Hello.....is anyone there or have I woken up in 28 Days Later?

Day 3 - Is "Hey there :)" the absolute pinnacle of human vocabulary these days?

Day 4 - Really loving the "Who viewed you" section, here I can see everyone I messaged viewed my profile and thought "nah!"....this site is great for my self-esteem.

Day 6 - I have too many conversations going on at once, struggling to remember who told me what....was it Julie who has 4 kids off 4 dads or was that Bianca?

Day 7 - It's really stressful trying to figure out which of these 27 women (who I'll probably never meet) I'm going to marry first, this is how Ryan Gosling must feel.

Day 8 - All conversations have ground to a halt.

Day 9 - Deletes POF for the 198th (approximately) time. What a monumental waste of my time that was, I could have actually WATCHED the crap TV I had on in the background whilst I scoured the human catalogue.

Day 10 - I'm so glad I came off POF, I feel rejuvenated, revitalised, liberated even!!! Life is good again, it's like a moment of clarity.....who needs women anyway?!

Day 11 (PM) - I'm going to be single forever, but come on, you can do this.....maybe dying alone won't be the chore they make it out to be?

Day 11 (Drunk, nearly midnight) - Signs up for POF for the 199th (approximately) time.

Day 12 (1am) - Realise I've dated, spoken with or been blocked by everyone aged between 18-75 of every ethnicity, size group and religious faith within a 25,000 mile radius.

Day 13 - Receive message from POF creator and master of misery "Marcus", congratulating me on becoming POF's most prolific and longest serving user.

Day 14 - Deletes POF for the 200th (approximately) time and jets off to assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland.

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