Saturday, 2 May 2015

How Are You Feeling Today?

Is it me, or has it been too long since the country last had a feel good factor? Has there ever been a feel good factor? What I'm talking about, is an all-encompassing feel good factor inclusive of each and every generation, simultaneously.

I'd imagine it's a singular emotion, or a moment in time where something positive is happening that feels good for a particular race or age group. For instance, if incontinence was cured, I'd imagine everyone who's incontinent would feel particularly joyous for a while and flood the streets (excuse the pun) in celebration, until the novelty wore off and they found something else to feel negative over.....similar to how black people thought their lives would change for the better after Obama was voted in, that worked out too, didn't it. What would make me feel good right now? Equal rights for men would be nice! *Faux lighthearted wink emoticon* ;)

I seem to remember the mid-to-late 90's being a noteworthy period for feeling good, but that could be because I'd only just discovered alcohol. The summers were hot and lengthy, the Gallagher brothers ruled the world and new labour were daring us all to dream whilst waving little union jack's in the street without even the merest hint of xenophobe paranoia. Euro '96 had us all singing along to Skinner and Baddiel, drinking until you spewed was deemed wholly acceptable, I can even remember having a fag at my desk in work and Kylie Minogue was a laughing stock.

That all seems like so long ago now.....I mean, 20 years is a long time, but the only thing from that list to stand the test of it has been Kylie, where did it all go wrong? It rains through the summer, new labour killed our economy, UKIP killed the union jack, Liam lost his voice and Kylie Minogue has become an oracle of contemporary musical talent. Did everything just get stuck in reverse after 9/11? I remember a headline the day after, I think it was The Daily Mirror, that read "The Day That Changed The World". Well, as obvious as it seemed at the time, I'm surprised how long it's taken us to get over it.....I'm wondering if we ever will.

It's not as if the world hasn't been through more difficult times. What we're currently going through now is bird feed compared with what the UK endured during the second world war. Millions of troops and civilians died, there was barely an economy, never mind a credit-crunch.....I doubt anyone had heard of credit back then, a tab maybe, but not credit. We were faced with aerial bombardment on a daily basis.....actual bombers.....flying over your house.....dropping explosive devices on you, can you imagine that? 

Yet here we are, told what to worry about by our TV sets, never allowed to even go a single day without being told something horrific has happened, or might happen in the future, or reminded about horrific stuff that happened before that might happen again at some point unless you're extremely lucky. As bad as ISIS are, I'd take them over the Nazi's.....the Nazi's would batter ISIS. I don't know what I'm basing that on but people are always comparing stuff, aren't they. You know, would Tyson have beaten Mohamed Ali? Did Chuck Norris really beat up Bruce Lee? Who's currently more of a laughing stock, Liverpool F.C. or Accrington Stanley? The rhyming here is purely unintentional by the way. 

As for the money situation, people are on the whole better off than they ever have been. My Facebook feed is crammed with photo's photo's of faraway holiday destinations, over-the-top wedding celebrations, piles of birthday presents for another standard little spoilt shit-bag, someone's brand new hand-held Dyson which they bought to clean their main Dyson and all manner of gratuitous, unnecessarily extravagant wanky purchases, shared with us only to make sure we know that life is good their end. But if life really was that good, you really wouldn't need that crap to make you feel satisfied.

Digressing aside, what's really changed since 9/11? Security is tighter at airports, which doesn't affect me as I never go anywhere. Muslims are probably feeling the brunt of ill-feeling and paranoia, which doesn't affect me as I'm not a muslim. The main thing that's changed is that we seem to have forgotten how to trust people. As much as the lower working classes are the boil on the arse of society, I see aspects of their communities that I admire and remember from my own upbringing. When you watch programmes like 'Skint', it's easy to fall into the trap of only noticing what a bunch of losers they all are. But what I notice, is how close the families are, how they can leave their doors open, how the kids play in the street, the neighbours talk to each other in their front gardens. 

Maybe the less educated you are, the less you watch the news and keep up with current affairs, which in turn leads to an almost blessed sanctitude of ignorance inducing more of a community spirit? What I notice amongst more affluent communities is how rigidly formal they are in conversation and communal gatherings, it's like they've been anesthetized into a social coma.....they still socialise but in a 'going through the motions, delivering niceties because I need to' kind of way. It almost makes me sad that I've become so pompous in my ways that I could never even stand the very thought of joining them, it'd be like that scene where Darth Vader tries to coax Luke into joining the Dark Side......you know it'd be more fun with them lot but it just feels morally wrong on way too many levels, you can feel your subconscious snootiness guiding you through life's journey, like an out-of-body experience.

I've completely forgotten where I was going with this now, all I want to do is watch Star Wars and pretend that Darth Vader is a pikey trying to rent out one of his caravans to David Cameron. Do "travellers" vote? I don't suppose the have to, given that they don't abide by laws or pay taxes.....or anything else for that matter. Okay, last comparison, The Emperor v's Tyson Fury? I'd happily pay £20 to watch that on pay per view......whereas I refuse to pay it for Pacquiao v Mayweather. I'd also pay to watch a WWE Royal Rumble featuring the Nazi's v's ISIS, would put the whole age-old debate to bed, once and for all. Talking of pikey's, what about Denise Van Outen's acting on Eastenders, I haven't seen acting that bad since 'Snatch'. "Who took the jam aaaat of your doughnut?".......5 second pause......"You did Tommy, you took the jam aaat of my doughnut!". 

Another thing that was better in the 90's, bad acting. Ccccccchhhhh, over.




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