Thursday, 9 April 2015


What a strange contradictory era we find ourselves living within. Political correctness allegedly went "mad" a good while ago now, yet no sooner were we looking back at times gone by and muttering "you'd never get away with that now", we're signing petitions to bring back Jeremy Clarkson and lauding up anyone who gets laughs by being more crass and shocking than anything that's gone before, i.e Keith Lemon. The question is, has anything changed?

There's always going to be a section of the public who are more prudish than the rest, although they seem to be dying of old age, leaving behind generation who are using the "CUNT" word more and more, it's all good bantz, afterall. For instance, I would usually have left it at the "C" word, but since it's so commonplace here in 2015, if you can't beat them, right?!

So in answer to my question, yes, things have changed.....but who's to say things are worse or better than they were before the onset of cunt-for-all? Well, personally, I do think we're worse for it, but then I'm indoctrinated to believe in a certain way of life and how things should be done.....doesn't mean I'm right though does it? No. As Bob Dylan once said, "you'd better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone", the times are very much a-changing, as always, they never stop doing so. Although, whether or not he meant that if you don't start becoming as uncouth as the rest of them, get fucked.....I'm not so sure. I could be wrong, it's happened before, although I could be mistaken.

When Clarkson got sacked, I was pleased. Top Gear had been on the wane for a while and it was clear they'd run out of ideas, resorting to an increasing amount of contrived unoriginal material, they were flogging a dead horse. They made the good looking women stand at the front, laughed at their own jokes and pretended they were having a candid discussion when it was as blatantly false as a Hulk Hogan leg-drop.  I felt the same about The Big Breakfast......and do you know what, I bloody miss The Big Breakfast! I'm going to feel the same way about Jeremy Clarkson. He was seemingly loathed for being a petrol heads' Nigel Farrage, offending anyone within earshot.....but that's why he was popular, for saying things that aren't popular. He's the embodiment of taboo thinking and says the things that many of us would love to get away with saying but can't because life has bullied us into becoming dishonest and scared to feel at ease with natural thought processes. Top Gear just provided us with an hours vacation from our nanny state induced thought prison. It was a throwback to when our forefathers' questionable opinions ruled the planet, an indulgence of blissful ignorance and the end of the chauvinist cigarette, stubbed out and chucked on the right-wing scrapheap.

So, is political correctness just another smoking ban, just taking longer to adhere to as we grow out of a generation of "speak as you find"? You can't stop people voicing their opinions as easily as you can price people out of smoking. Perhaps a universal swear box might be introduced to speed up the process, not just for swearing, but for banter. I'd be up for a banter tax, it's the most convoluted phenomenon since the etch-a-sketch promised us that we could all be quite the artiste. As soon as you step back and take a look at it, it's just people bullying each other, for fun. I miss old school bullying, at least you knew where you stood with a chinese burn and a bundy wrench. I'm starting to think that banter is the backlash to freedom of speech becoming a rare commodity.

Maybe we're no more politically correct than we ever were, we're probably just more aware that what we've been saying for years was wrong, we're just too stuck in our ways to change, mid-life. Let's hope the next generation have more luck, although I suspect that things will become even more confusing. One of my favourite words is "spaz", is that ok with you? I'm not so sure, but I'm going to continue to say it, I don't think it's possible to self-induce a lobotomy at my age, I don't care what even the most liberally minded left-wing hippie says. You're never going to be able to brainwash yourself out of how you were brought up, that's why they're called your "formative years".

For instance, I'm not ashamed to say that if I see someone of different racial origin to myself, it registers that they are different, even if only for a split second. I don't think of them as any worse than me because of it.....actually, that's a lie, I generally look down on people who aren't me, regardless of colour or creed, I don't prejudice on that front, it wouldn't be fair......even more so if they're religious, I can't help it, I was formed this way. Is it racist to register that someone is a different colour from you or just efficient subconscious observational skills? Do you know what? I have absolutely no idea what the answer is. Societal narratives have confused and regressed the shit out of me to the point that if I could travel back in time to an alternate universe and meet a one day old, talking version of myself, I'd probably just look back at myself and call myself a moron and politely suggest suffocating myself with a pillow, before shitting myself.....the baby me, not the current me. I don't feel guilty though. Somewhere, in a beautifully opposite parallel universe, in a galaxy even further away than Star Wars, there's a black Nick Lo Turco being as equally observant and inquisitively curious about his thought all evens itself out in the end. Anyway,

I think it actually registers because of the neverending plethora of campaigns to make everyone equal. Hopefully, in thousands of years, when everyone is finally equal (like that's ever going to happen), people can hopefully shut up about equality long enough for us to have a good crack at having some said equality and get used to the idea. As long as people are singled out, the brain will always programme itself to think differently of the people around them, depending on their background and heritage.

Whilst I'm outing myself as a completely bigoted, racist numpty (a mental illness will be named after me one day, I'm sure) and am running with this whole public honesty sharing mission regarding what's clearly it ok to find pregnant women sexually attractive? What? I was just asking! Oh, and I watched this programme last night where a 20 something guy sleeps with an under age girl of 15. Technically, he's legally a paedophile.....well, illegally there a place where paedophilia is legal? Actually, it would be quite the money-spinner if The Church of England hadn't already cornered the market....back to the drawing board I go. Anyway, I've met quite a few girls who lost their virginity pre-sixteen, to people of the legal persuasion......none of them considered themselves to have been taken advantage of by paedos, which begs the question of whether or not the legal age should be calculated on a case-by-case basis? It also depends on the age difference between the two parties......this could get complicated.

So, in a nutshell, do and say whatever you want, it'll all be okay in the end....just be thankful the nazi's didn't win and be thankful for that spaz Keith Lemon..........what a cunt.

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