Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Well, that's that then.....R.I.P.

After over 40 years, a national institution has come to an end. I can't remember a time without her, the changing hairstyles, the same old storylines and captions, the sex appeal, the smile. I still don't know which way to go on this one....am I more upset by the death of Deirdre Barlow or the Page 3 girl?

If I'm being honest, as much as the death of Anne Kirkbride is very sad, I don't watch soaps. The absence of Deirdre from our screens is hardly going to affect me, one way or the other. I don't even read The Sun, so the absence of a pair of norks on an infamous page of a commoners rag mag that I haven't picked up in years won't have me shedding any tears either. I have the internet for that kind of thing, it's not going to make a dent in my masturbation daily routine.

The most interesting side to all this, I find, is whether this is going to make the lives of women any better? I'd argue that the only people it's going to affect, are the girls who relied on it to make a living and the poor sex deprived men who relied on it for a boost first thing in the morning. Has anyone asked them what they think? I mean, they must have an opinion, those girls. I'm reliably informed that they include a strong, educated, profound opinion on the world event of the day, they're quite the wordsmiths, apparently. These sound like the sort of women we should be listening to. *

So what shall we get rid of next? Boxing is every bit as barbaric as 'Page 3' was demeaning, but I don't hear any such calls. You might ask what the correlation between the two occupations is. Well, I'm going with the notion that both professions are morally questionable. The silver lining and redeeming factor being that the participants in both, know what they're getting themselves into, know the risks and both make money from it. Nobody is forced to do anything, from what I can gather. Plus, if I was given the choice to bare all or go through a pummeling for my pay cheque, I know what I'd choose.

I've just read that a popular Page 3 girl can earn up to £100k a year. For walking into a studio and getting your top off. To quote Dire Straits, that's money for nothing, isn't it?  

Do you know how many low-blows a boxer would need to endure to earn that much? Minimum wage earners, countrywide, probably suffer more, enduring shabby treatment courtesy of dignity-crushing, unedifying bosses on a soul destroying daily basis. Samantha Fox and Linda Lusardi are still making money courtesy of the fame they enjoyed from Page 3, over a quarter of a century later. Where would they have been without it? Samantha Fox not only bared her breasts, but also her inability to string a sentence together on the MTV awards back in 198whatever it was. If that was any indication of her sum-total human ability, there's a good chance that without the riches that came her way from Page 3 and all the doors it consequently opened (singing career, legendary strip-poker computer games, presenting), she'd be sat at a supermarket checkout right now. I bet she's glad she made it big during those halcyonic days when getting your baps out was all the rage.

The woman on BBC Breakfast this morning, who was campaigning against it, was not Page 3 material. Now I wouldn't stoop so low as to suggest she's a little bit envious, but maybe her motives aren't entirely favourable to the people she thinks she's helping.

We all know that women are more than capable of doing anything men can do, we're all being painstakingly indoctrinated about it on a daily basis. If I were a feminist, I'd be careful what I wished for. Getting shot of a profession that potentially pays THREE times that of an NHS nurse who's gone through years of training and works 12 hours shifts, seems negligible. If anything, it's a profession that laughs in the face of inherently neanderthalised men whose glare you're trying to avoid. Don't, take advantage of it! It's a job us men could never do, unless there's a similar feature somewhere else that pays for men to titillate women's imaginations with moobs and saggy balls? Any takers? Point me in that direction please, it'd only be slightly more offensive than this blog. 

If anyone thinks that the removal of Page 3 is suddenly going to make the average Sun reader a moral compass for mankind, they're mistaken, it won't. You'll just drive them to look somewhere else for it and create more 'traffic' for a website or publication that is even less tasteful. I'm also "reliably informed" that the internet is awash with far less positive exploitations of the female form. Are these going to be taken down? Seriously, if they are, I'm going to have ALOT more time on my hands. The Pirate Bay and online sports streaming has already been stripped from my life, if this continues, I'm going to have to think of more constructive, legal ways to entertain myself. It's almost as if they're trying to create an honest man out of me. 

If you completely eradicated marijuana from existence and took away that market completely, it's going to drive a certain percentage of people to the next step up in order to get their fix and therefore create a more acutely damaging problem. There's always going to be a demand for the darker arts. Page 3 might have been old fashioned (it was actually the least offensive section of the paper, why not ban all the other pages and just leave in number 3), but for me, it was a drip-feed to satisfy perverts the land over. It also begs the question, where will the current Page 3 roster go to earn similar amounts now?

Porn sites the world over will be rubbing their sticky hands together with glee.

*Just came across this item on BBC. Page 3 girl Nicola McLean, stating she's not happy with it's demise. How's she gonna pay her bills now huh?! http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02h9cd2

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