Friday, 9 January 2015

Stop the clock and reset the counter.

I thought that reading would help me, in terms of becoming more a more prolific blogger. It kind of has, but I can't seem to get through more than a page or two without getting an idea for a new one, which is slowing my reading to a snails pace. It's exciting but also very frustrating. I might finish this book by the end of the year, in which time, I will have written a zillion blogs. 

My brain hasn't been fed sufficiently since high school, actually, make that primary school......maybe not even then. I made a Western Indian headdress in nursery once (thanks Google for pointing in the direction of political correctness). It's one of my earliest memories and one of the only times I felt the thrill of achievement, I peaked way too soon. So, maybe this is the backlash, I have the concentration levels of my 5 year old, day-dream addict, daughter. You don't know my daughter, but it was the most damning analogy I could think of. Still, it's good to know it still powers up, like when you drag down the old Mega Drive from the attic. It still works, just with a few extra glitches, predominantly due to moisture damage.....by moisture, I mean copious amounts of alcohol, not attic dampness.

So, I'm reading this bit about debt cancellation and how back in ancient times, debt was cancelled every 7 years or so. This sounds great if you have debt, but what about the rest of us? It's hardly fair is it? I'm not going to forage into details of how it would affect global economies, I don't care about that. My apathy stems from stupidity really, I have no idea how it all works? Does anyone? Do they even know?! I'm simply spouting off to get on record that I won't be impressed if I don't get my fair share. That's the spirit, isn't it?! My lack of will to research this issue is born out of the belief that I'll only find out that debt cancellation does indeed occur, just not to the likes of you and me. It's an existential right of passage to the super rich bankers and I'm only going to make myself cross thinking about stuff like that.

How do I feel about debt cancellation, having no debt myself? It'd be like getting to the party just after the stripper has left. It may even be the most literal version of being short changed I'd ever felt, feeling short changed is a constant menacing rhetoric in my head, it's not a healthy outlook and one I'm trying to eradicate, or at least keep under control. Have I mentioned how difficult it is, being me? 

The day before it happens, I think debt free people should be allowed to run up a bit of a bill, in the spirit of goodwill. At least let us run amok in Lidl, in the manner of supermarket sweep. That's not too much to ask, is it? I'd probably ruin my own experience, due to my seemingly innate, unstoppable instinct, to shop on a budget. I'd probably walk out with enough to make a sandwich and I'd still "umm and arrr" about whether to buy Andrex or Tesco's own.....is it really worth the extra 10p when all I'm doing is scraping excess excrement from an anus I've never been formally introduced to? Isn't it strange, that there are parts of me that I rarely look at, maybe parts I've never looked at in all my 35 years dwelling inside of it? 

If they were to announce it, I'd probably not qualify to take part due to never having been in debt, irony eh, what a bitch. Although, the way the system works, I may actually be more likely to be handed out money when I have absolutely no means of paying it back, that's how it works isn't it? Being unemployed might actually come in handy, at last.

When I had a full time job, I couldn't even get an argos card, yet banks constantly handed out mortgages worth hundreds of k's, to anyone and everyone a decade ago. I know they're trying to be more careful but I think refusing credit to a full time worker who only wants to buy a 'toaster/kettle set' might be taking austerity a little far. Maybe I've already missed the main party, the consumption extravaganza, the credit bonanza. If only Jimmy Savile was still around, maybe he'd have fixed up a credit agreement for me. Yep, I'd be so desperate to get in on the action that I'd wish for the resurrection of one of mankind's most sordid and evil characters of recent times . Don't blame me, I've been inured into consumerism by peer pressure, you're all at fault for my perilous and tasteless thought train.

So what have we learned in todays lesson. Debt is good? Debt cancellation is unfair? That people can't be trusted with money? I don't bloody know, but when I find out, I'll let you know.

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