Sunday, 16 November 2014

Not another conspiracy theory?!

Did anybody else look at Mark Zuckerberg and think, "that's HIM? That's the guy that invented Facebook and made billions of dollars by his mid-20's?!". I did. It's not because he's young, it's because he looks clueless.....soulless......confused. Like he's farted in an empty room yet is convinced he didn't do it. That happened to me the other day, I was blaming my children for a love puff before I did another one and it smelt exactly the same. I don't think the family gene pool spreads to the inherent smell of a fart so it must have been me.....don't look at me like that, I held my hands up......not to apologise for my mistake, but to cover my nose.....it was hideous.

So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, farts! No, I've covered that. Zuckerberg. So I was thinking a minute ago whilst having a quick gander at my Facebook newsfeed, does anyone care about anything important? Ok, before you start rolling your eyes and have a go at me for being a misery, it's a difficult night for me. It's the the inception of 2014's 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'.  I always feel left out on nights like these. I try, I really do, but rarely do I even make the first ad break before switching over. As soon as the first superficial celebrity comes out, it's 'I'm the minority, Get me out of here' for me. Facebook is immediately filled with first impressions of this years willing martyrs. I don't even think I'm better than anyone else for being able to switch off from the whole fiasco. I guess it's like dancing, I hate dancing, I don't know why.......my instinct is to be with the minority. I'll get to the bottom of it one day.

It's official then, the christmas countdown has thus begun with a jungle game....unless the onset of adverts with a Coca Cola lorry or some bit of totty delicately supping on some Bailey's marks the beginnings of your festivities. It's the 1st day of December for me, you know, the month christmas occurs within, the day the children open the first window of their advent calendar, forgive me for being predictably sentimental.

Right, back to Zuckerberg and his fart face. What if he didn't invent Facebook? What if the Government invented it to keep us occupied with meaningless subjects? Is it just a coincidence that Facebook came along in the same vicinity of time as the uprisings in the middle east and Africa, the financial markets meltdown, 9/11 etc etc.....? If there was ever a perfect tool to spread fear and widespread distraction, it's Facebook.

Some might argue that such social media represents the exact opposite, that it could and has been used as a tool for organising left wing social movements. But in reality, Facebook just fuels our delusion that somehow, it gives us a voice and further cements our false belief that we live in a country of free speech and democracy. Most of the good messages that could make a difference are drowned out by the innocuous, simplistic burbles of 'shared' posts. It's either, someone out there has it tougher than you, so cheer the fuck up......or, propaganda about being careful at petrol stations as there's a gang initiation programme taking place, you've seen them. Or, how many likes can this cute puppy get.......or, share this link if you love your mum, don't share it and she dies! The scary thing is, people don't even question that sort of thing......"oh, I'd better share it, just in case".....sharing it is just as moronic as creating it in the first place.

My point is, social media is the most powerful weapon a government could have. It brainwashes us, depresses us, disenfranchises people and tricks us into exploiting ourselves without us even knowing it's happening. They wouldn't even need to control it....just plant the seed and let the interaction frenzy take over peoples lives. How are we ever going to change the system if we spend so much of our time hypnotised looking into a screen? Well, we won't, and that's how the powers that be will have a monopoly over power and everything that goes with it. The more we're distracted, the longer it will continue, it's not rocket science.

The sad thing is, people don't have the attention span to listen or engage in politics anymore. It's only recently that I've become even partially interested in current affairs. My political absorption of the years has only ever extended to watching 'Have I Got News For You' once a week, which only further dented my faith in the whole thing, due to the fact that comedy is all too easily extracted from the figures we place our trust in. They're a bunch of out of touch clowns, they know it too and they don't care one jot. I almost admire them for it.

The main reason for my renewed interest is because of Russell Brand's YouTube channel, The Trews. Whilst I admire his tenacity and courage for throwing himself into the fray, Russell is fighting a losing battle. He must have known he wouldn't be flavour of the month for long. In fact, it has become somewhat of a faux pas to laud him up even in the slightest lately, such is the clamour to knock him off his narcissistic perch. He will be forever judged and undermined because of his colourful and vice-addicted past, despite the fact the very people in charge have all been equally disgraced in some form or another. If there is going to be a Revolution, it's a decidedly inauspicious start, particularly when someone like Russell is being derided simply because he chooses to be eloquent and brilliantly articulate, speaking the truth on our behalf, whilst still managing to be funny. Would people rather David Beckham to all the leg-work? They really would, you know. It is panto season afterall. 

I wonder of Mark Zuckerberg farted during the writing of this rather pointless blog, sort of sync farting. I've recently been told by a friend that I always message him when he's having a dump. He said that it stands to reason that my brain is in sync with his bowels. I've got such lovely comrades. Bit of a random way to sign off......goodnight my pedigree chums, don't forget to vote for your least favourite jungle celebrity now, get those priorities in order!

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