Saturday, 18 February 2012

Whitney to perform at her own funeral...

So today marks the funeral of the last link to Motown, the great Whitney Houston.

Pardon me for being old fashioned but, aren’t funerals supposed to be a private send off? When family and close friends can pay their respects in a subtle and respectable fashion?

Well things have changed here on Walton Mountain and we’re about to be blown away by the ‘Death of Whitney Extravaganza!!!’. It’s even being streamed live on the internet…..a funeral….live…..for everyone to watch……?????!!!!!! (I’m just surprised it’s not pay per view).

Why not just hold it in Madison Square Gardens or even Wembley? They could do a world tour so long as they could preserve the body long enough, they might need to use look-a-likes if she starts to look a little too ropey and starts scaring the adoring fans, a bit like Jacko on his 1992 ‘face melting tour’……maybe he has been dead all this time afterall? They only announced it last year as he was starting to look like ‘The Living Dead’ and the whole ‘Weekend at Bernies’ charade was about to be exposed?

Yes! Picture it now, Whitney rising out of her coffin like an extra from ‘Thriller’, all strung up like a puppet, being controlled by John Cusack in the mind of John Malcovich, jiggin’ away to ‘I wanna dance with somebody’. Leona Lewis could do the voice, she’d be well up for it!

There’s definitely a gap in the market for post death concerts. We don’t frown upon much these days, this is still far more tasteful than Big Fat Gypsy Weddings or TOWIE.

I can see my kids in 10 years time coming to ask me for money to buy tickets for the latest high profile ‘funeral concert’. X Factor winners can be offered the chance to do voice over gigs for the latest fallen pop star, they could even plan their own ‘death gig’ themselves. Pop stars with falling popularity will be jumping off bridges to guarantee themselves ‘one last shot at the big time!’.

Don’t be surprised to see this idea popping up on Dragons Den in the near future.

Enjoy the gig Houston fans!!!

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